As a high school counselor, I constantly ask myself questons: What are relevant to nowadays teenagers? What can I effectively convey notions or ideas to students, such as the importance of education, attendance, searching and identifying their career interests early on, etc.?
I like to try new things. So I also try different ways and formats to convey my thoughts to students. Talking to students individually is very common. Facilitating discussion among a group of students is not unusual, either. Making class presentations usually are arranged by school or on an invitation basis. Running a series of guidance sessions, getting a grant and setting up programs, implementing project and so on so forth can all be listed on my resume. And just like the vedio clip shows, to make a presentation more appealling, I prepared a power point presentation and a pre-arranged short skit to catch students’ attention to get them really curious about what I was going to present next.
Am I successful with all what I try? When I evaluate them myself, honestly speaking, for most of cases, I can answer, “yes”. However, back in my mind, I am still searching for something. Something more than just a way or a format, or a program, or . . something … that is a major ingredient in shaping a person’s value. And, what is that?
Take an example in school. Improving the overall attendance rate has been a school major goal for at least three years. For those who have kept perfect attendance in each marking period are rewarded by a prize and certificate and having their name on the perfect attendance roll. There are attendance contests among classes and pricely awards are given out. We also have personnel and staff watch the attendance rate closely and keep in timely manner contact with absentees’ parents. Then parents are supposed to bring their child to school to school to meet with the child’s guidance counselor. That’s when and where one of my roles comes in.
So, here I Am. What can I do to effectively intervene that particular student and the parent in that critical moment? After meeting with me, what can the student’s teacher do, from a counselor’s perspective, to welcome that student back to his/her class?
Soon, it will be September. All the empty seats will be filled by unique individuals. Yes, there are always some students bright and motivated and ready to learn. They are teachers’ delight. There are inevitably some students who don’t seem to care about anything and, worse than that, they are disruptive and unlikeable. Their absence, instead of presence, are more than welcome which is an unspoken truth unfortunately. How can this be? Why don’t those students value education? Don’t they know that they will need skills as well as knowledge? Haven’t their parents or someone ever told them what school can do to them?
Since my youth, my parents always emphasized the importance of education, especially my mom. She did not finish her college education and that’s was her misfortune according to her, but she somehow noticed that how education can make a difference in one’s life. She liked to praise my father in front of her children. She would say: “although your grandpa lost almost everything in the war and he couldn’t afford your father to go to college, your father didn’t quit. And look, how he also helped his brothers to finish the highest degrees and they all now can do what they like to do.”
Study or schooling was a very common topic that often threaded in my mom’s conversation with me. In fact, most of time she talked and I listened. She liked to mention all our relatives: my uncles - her own six brothers, my father’s two brothers, and all my cousins (that I lost count) and use them as role models to encourage me and my sister and brother. And, she would go back to her own story, that might go like this:
“your grandpa (her father) did not like to send his daughters to school …” Mom said this to me, a pre-schooler, while she was doing sawing - that’s her favoriate housework. And I don’t remember if she was making any new clothes for me or my sister or anyone else
“Why?” I asked.
Without looking at me, she continued skillfully sawing and added,
“because he thought daughers were useless, no value.”
“Why?” what she just said really aroused my curiosity. I remembered grandpa. He probably did not know my name, or ever was bothered to know my name, given the fact that he already had so many grandchildren, at least thirty three by then.
Mom continued,
”he didn’t go to school himself, but he let all his sons go to school, even sent you oldest uncle to Japan, sent your third and fourth uncles to the United States”“but, why?” I just could not comprehend.
“He did not think that daughters belong to him. They will marry one day, like the splashing water, (meaning: you can not gather water back), (We, the daughters) are just not worthy in his eye…”, mom sighed and looked at me, “you’ll understand it when you grow up.” “Be deligent in your study. Your father and I will support you all (meaning my sister and my brother) to let you at least complete your college.”
Mom did fulfill her promise with Dad. All three of us finished our graduate school education and my brother, the youngest one in the family, earned a highest degree in the educational realm. What are we doing now? One was a special ed. teacher and counselor and is a writer now, one is an orthodotist and college professor, one is a school counselor, and that’s me. Is that a coincident what we three are doing all relate to school or education? As far as I can remember, whenever mom talked to me she never encourage us or gave any slightest hint to consider working in the field of education. But, how come did we let our lives intertwine with “school”?
The chat I had with my sister, Jane, confirmed my memory. My own experience tells me that family is the first and basic source to convey all sorts of values to any individual. The above conversation I had with mom is supported by the following quote:
“The regular communication and interaction between the parent and children will make them understand the true value of their family.”
Mom was very wise to enlist all good role models around me to be my reference group. She successfully passed on the value she held about education. She just casually mentioned them whenever I had time to be with her, whether I was playing or sort of helping her around. The conversation we had and the time we were together was natural and fun, overall, it was intimate and nice. It was absolutely not hostile, artificial, and formal. Of course, mom mentioned about how much she enjoyed and missed her school, how unfortunately her father did not allow her to finish college, how fortunately her brothers could not only go to school, but also go abroad to Japan or the U.S. to continue their education, etc. more than once. That’s why I am so impressed.
Yet, the more I am writing this article, the more I feel that there is something out there. Something, more than I have recognized does influence a person’s value, besides family, role models, nice and intimate relationship, repeatively reinforce. I notice that I am so important to mom. I am worthy for her to spend time talking to me. I am valuable to her that she wants to invest in my life. Because I am so important to her, what she highly values becomes important to me. My sister jokingly said that we were brainwashed. Unlike brainwash, we were given true stories and were not intimidated. My mom’s value on education was embraced by me wholeheartedly. What does this tell me?
I think I find that “something” finally - the major ingrediant in shaping a person’s value. That is: value the person first before anything else. To effectively convey any notion or idea to a person, I need to let that person know and feel that he or she is important to me! Yes, counseling techniques are important, yes, school’s goal is important, yes, education is important, yes, teaching any content area is important. Yet, no matter what, a man or a woman is much more important than anything else. Unless I truly value a person first, I can never be able to let that person agree to what I value.
“School is a form of life together as a second home.”
Shouldn’t we, educators, pay more attention to how we interact with our students?
Loading… Hide notes
